Something Unrequited
by Reinna
Summary: Akuroku oneshot depositry. o8. Doubt: Axel knew that Roxas knew and their world was shattered and rebuilt in that instant of understanding and broken faith.
1. Something Unrequited

**Title: Something Unrequited**

**Okay, this was originally going to be a one-shot akuroku fic, but then I had ideas for another…and then another. So, like others, this will be the container for any random KH oneshots I come up with, though I have the feeling most will be akuroku. Most will have no relation whatsoever to one another, and relationships between characters in them will probably vary from one story to another.**

**Pairing: Akuroku**

**Summary:** Axel sees Sora, but not Roxas. Obligatory random akuroku one-shot. Emphasis on the random.

Spoilers for the endingish.

**Disclaimer:** Reinna doesn't own, doesn't pretend she owns, or anysuch thing. She just likes to borrow them for a bit for her own sick, twisted amusement.

**Words: 488**

---

Axel could barely stand to look at Sora. But he did anyways, because it was the closest he could ever get to Roxas now.

And he needed that sometimes, when none of the other members of the Organization would mention their Number Thirteen by name anymore, or would even start calling him _Sora_, as if Roxas had never existed.

When it started to seem like the presence of Sora threatened to engulf Roxas's very existence and wipe it out entirely, replacing the memories of a certain grumpy, surly blond with a cheerful, naïve, spike-haired brunette. When they weren't the same person. Not at all.

Until there would only be one person who had ever known or cared that Roxas had once stood here, scowling his customary scowl at every person who walked past, pointedly ignoring the chatter of his best friend.

Axel.

And he couldn't stand that.

And so, sometimes he watched Sora. Hoping, looking, watching. Seeing if there was anything left of that goddamn blonde that had driven him up one wall and down the other first in irritation, then desire. If he was close enough, and closed his eyes, he could almost –_soclosebutnotquite_- sense Roxas there. And then he'd keep his eyes closed, because opening them would rip apart the fragile illusion.

And there wasn't. Because no matter how hard he looked, or how much he tried, he couldn't find Roxas in Sora, couldn't find his surly, antipathetic friend in this naïve, open, compassionate boy. Because had he not known of their connection, Axel was sure that he would never have guessed they were in any way related to each other. Except that one time, when Sora had seen Axel for the first time after he had awakened. And glared.

And Axel was glad in that moment that he didn't have a heart, because he would have needed to restart it after being hit in the face by that _expression_ that looked so very much like…

Roxas.

Goddamnit.

And it made him ache in the place where his heart really wasn't. What was the point of becoming a Nobody if you could still feel pain?

None whatsoever.

---

A/N: Haha, what's one more akuroku one-shot in the majillion that must already be there? Axel is fun to write.

And er, the title is only because I thought that sounded pretty. :D


	2. These Moments

**Title: These Moments**

**Summary: Axel is happy with the way things are.**

**Word Count: 288**

**---**

Axel watched the last sliver of gold slip over the horizon as the pink-orange of sunset faded away to dusk, and cherished the fading warmth that Roxas had left behind.

There were these moments, when he came, when he stayed, when they were both able to occupy the same space without Axel cracking a sardonic line of some sort, or Roxas answering with a caustic retort. When he could, ever so slowly, turn his head to catch a glimpse of green-blue out of the corner of his eyes- Roxas watching him- before their eyes met, and the blonde looked away, a pale flush on his cheeks. When they sat beside each other on the dark balcony, hands not quite touching, looking out into the World that Doesn't Exist, and Axel decided that it wasn't such a dreary place after all, with Roxas beside him.

Sometimes, the itch to wander grew too strong, and he left the dark world. And sometimes, Roxas would follow.

And of course, sometimes, he wouldn't.

Axel didn't let it bother him too much. His Roxas was like that. _His _Roxas, yes, though the redhead had been careful not to let that phrase slip out of his mouth around a certain bad-tempered blonde. And so, Axel had actively sought out those brief moments of companionship, and to some point, Roxas had obliged, coming more and more often, though 'often' for Roxas still meant perhaps once for every five or six trips Axel made outside. Axel enjoyed the time they spent together like this, and he couldn't help but hope that Roxas did as well. A brief fragment of peace, of their acknowledged affinity for one another.

Not often. Not long. But there were these moments.

---

A/N: Snippet of a story that I couldn't find myself expanding any further. Incidentally, this is probably one of my only pieces so far that's fluffish, rather than bittersweet.


	3. Good Days, Bad Days

**Title: Good Days, Bad Days**

**Summary: It all depends on Roxas, really.**

**Words Count: 616**

**Naturally, I do not own anything, or anyone. I just like to play with them for my own amusement.**

---

Sometimes, Axel was able to coax a certain surly blonde Organization member XIII out of his room, into enjoying his company. Even more infrequently, he was able to cajole Roxas into his bed.

Those were the Good Days.

And sometimes, said surly blonde in question would barricade the door so that no fire-wielding redheads could smash their way through and call it an accident. Aforementioned blonde would then spend the day locked in his room, doing whatever it was a pissed off Roxas did during the day.

Those were the Bad Days.

---

Axel eyed the blank white wall before him, and idly wondered if he should bang his head against it, for all the good it would do. It might even be a welcome change from the headache _certain_ surly blonds gave him with their temperamental moods and alternating brooding and sulking.

He wished Roxas would just make up his mind and _stay_ with him already, instead of maintaining this sporadic sort of courtship between their fairly regular fights and overall disagreements. It was coming to be almost as predictable as clockwork. 'Oh, three weeks already? Time for another fight with Roxas.'

His part-time lover would storm off afterwards, insisting that their relationship was over; a week or so later, Axel would wheedle and charm him out of his room (coming any earlier only resulted in blunt objects being chucked at his head, and a prolonged period of celibacy as Roxas gave him the cold shoulder for yet another week.)

After a few hours of snuggling (or friendly arguing, as either worked), and further charm, they would be together once more. On again, off again, the highs and lows of their relationship.

Honestly. What was his problem? Axel loved him, as much as a Nobody was capable of, at least. Roxas seemed rather fond of him as well, when he wasn't threatening to decapitate him with his Keyblades, or locking himself in his room. They had mind-blowing sex every so often (whenever Axel dragged him into bed). What more did he want?

Today happened to be one of the Bad Days. Sexual frustration alone was enough to make Axel consider kidnapping the idiot and jumping his bones. After he ranted and smacked some sense into him, of course.

Ah well, the week of waiting was about over. He'll come around again, any day now, and Axel would get his lover back. And get laid of course, which was almost as important. Though he really did wish Roxas would stop forcing him to remain celibate for weeks at a time…

One day, perhaps.

Either way, they were Nobodies. Axel was willing to wait. They had all eternity to hammer out this foreign concept of …a relationship, at least…

---

He had been reduced to watching when green-blue eyes not entirely unlike his own vanished into a deep cerulean, and blonde hair change into a chocolate brown that was somehow messy enough to resemble Roxas', and at the same time, entirely different.

He regretted… he regretted many things. Not having found his Roxas again was at the very top of that list.

But Sora's concern towards him as he faded was somewhat heartwarming, even if it wasn't Roxas. And he thought that maybe, maybe he had caught a glimpse of sea-blue in those dark blue eyes, a hint of blonde in the brown locks.

Maybe it was a trick of the light.

Maybe it wasn't.

But he decided that, either way, this would be a Good day. The day he almost found Roxas again.

Might as well be optimistic, neh?

Today was a Good Day.

It was also the day Axel died.

---

A/N: I often write my akuroku bittersweet, and somewhat unrequited. The title of the thing should have alerted you! ;D

Inspired by the title. 3


	4. All There Was

**Title: All There Was**

**Pairing: Akuroku**

**Summary: Axel should know better.**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, Axel, Roxas, and co. are not mine.**

**Word Count: 1316**

**---**

Axel knew that in truth, there was very little between them. In boredom, he'd pester Roxas, follow him around, hide his delight when he startled the blonde, dodge the blow of a keyblade, and ignore the curses. It was delicious, really, getting him riled up, pissing off the grumpy idiot enough to get them to come to blows, and even then, Axel savored the rush of the fight, the savage smile that flickered on Roxas's face that he was certain was mirrored on his own. Two people, bound by battle and boredom and mutual conflict.

Axel used Roxas, just as Roxas used him; to catch the spark of life in the sterile whiteness of the World that Never Was and ride it, breathless and exhilarating, in the space between a silver-edged keyblade and a fiery chakram, and in the empty moment between thought and action.

Rinse. Repeat.

Axel pestered Roxas.

And Axel had never asked for, nor wished for more, because to wish, one must have a heart. And though Axel did in fact possess a larger range of emotion than most of the other Nobodies, in the end he was still one of them, and couldn't wish with all his heart for anything because he didn't have one.

And he hadn't realized, then, that there would be anything to regret.

---

Until one day, Roxas left. And Axel had been left behind, startled by the sudden ache and throb where nothing existed, certain that some great, cosmic rule had just been broken somewhere, because the idea that Roxas would just up and leave him was utterly incomprehensible. He'd caught the sneaky blonde on the outskirts of the World that Never Was, and saw in one glance that whatever he said wasn't going to be able to change Roxas' mind anyway.

Not that that had stopped him from trying.

But he'd assumed that it was a Mood, or just Roxas PMSing and so he spent a few days making up a list of names he was going to call the little pipsqueak when he next saw him before he realized, a week and a half later, that Roxas was really gone. _Gone_. Poof. Left. Not returning.

The inconsiderate bastard had not even bothered to look back as Axel shouted at him. As if he didn't care. As if there was no connection at all between them.

And maybe there wasn't.

_Two people. The rush of adrenaline that came at the price of the risk of a keyblade through his skull, but was all worth it in the monotony of the World that Never Was. _

That was all there was and Axel knew it. Knew it from the inside out because hadn't he had it ground into his very being every moment he spent with Roxas?

And what did he miss? He had not realized until now that there was anything to miss, and even so, he didn't know what it was. When he tried to further analyze it, tried to drag that odd sensation out into the light and poke at it with his mind, he was invariably left with a handful of fragments, bits and pieces of memory that had _something_ to do with whatever it was that he wanted, but none of which quite fit.

_Roxas's body still warm through the cloak even though he was a Nobody, they were all Nobodies- Ignoring the younger Organization member when they passed in the hallways, but looking sidelong at the hard line of his shoulders, the set of his face before moving on- Pitter-patter of rain on the ceiling and boredom getting Axel to teach Roxas how to play cards after Xemnas had chewed them out for property damage, and Roxas putting up with him long enough to learn- flash of silver, and his chakrams and Roxa's keyblades clashed, locking together in the savage dance of battle…_

And what was he going to do about – this, it, him- ?

Damned if he knew.

---

And so, Roxas was gone, and Axel was left with a handful of memories that he could make neither heads nor tails of. He knew those fragments somehow contained what he wanted, but still couldn't determine just what that was, couldn't pick them apart and distill that the essence of that wistful longing into something definable, something he could label and then shelve away into the recesses of his mind.

Even now, he had yet to come close to pulling apart the knotted tangle of emotions the Key of Destiny had left him with. The only way to describe his situation was with a name. A name that somehow described everything about the… problem, the desire, the loss.

_Roxas._

---

So it was decided. Axel would find him, find the very root of the problem, and then…

He hadn't thought quite that far yet, but he'd deal with that problem when it cropped up. Along with Xemnas's displeasure, the opposition from the rest of the Organization, Sora…

The sheer number of roadblocks he was likely to run into jarred his concentration, distracting him from the problem at hand, but Axel decided that they were hardly situations he will be able to plan and prepare for, so it will be easier to wing it when the time comes along and, for now, keep his focus on the overarching goal.

Something- he would do something, anything, so that this… these broken ties, the nothing that was still something, the feelings that weren't, and the want that couldn't be defined, were not all that existed in his relationship with Roxas.

And part of Axel realizes that, yes, he had indeed lost whatever he had of his mind because he was now setting off to go find a stupid, messy haired brat that he wasn't even sure liked him, and in the meantime incurring the wrath of… just about everyone he knew. And even some he didn't.

Fuck.

He was crazy. Absolutely insane, on a level where electroshock therapy and nice, padded rooms were probably necessary.

Perhaps it is the most foolish thing in the world.

Perhaps that is just another way to define love.

---

But in the end, he hadn't even been able to manage that either, had he? In the time Roxas had gone, Axel had met, fought, and failed to keep another Roxas, one that knew nothing of him, of the Organization, of hearts and not having them, or of a world that never was. And when that Roxas had faded into the smiling face of a warm-hearted brunette boy with dark blue eyes, he'd done his best to keep that one too.

Hadn't worked out well, that. Sora and himself versus more Dusks than either of them could really handle, and Axel knew with a sudden sharp clarity that there would be no after, that Roxas had escaped out of his sight, over the next hill and beyond the horizon into the light he could no longer follow. And it is that knowledge that lets him burn, _burn_, everything, including himself, feeling his fire consume him from the inside out, filling his chest with and exploding out of him before he fell back, spent.

Even as he felt his very being disintegrating back into nothingness, Axel had found no answers. Not from Roxas, who no longer existed. Not even from himself.

He was right the first time, Axel thought wryly, that he might have been better off if he'd just heeded common sense and got himself committed into some institution or another when he'd first realized that he'd been afflicted with a case of idiocy. Excuse me, love.

Regret is a wistful, bitter thing. All he'd had of any value were his memories of Roxas. And now, those were fading too, and he'd never come any closer to deciphering just what it was he'd wanted.

Axel wished…

---

A/N: Stupid thing took almost a year to work out of my brain, and I'm still not fully happy with it. I hate plot bunnies that refuse to let go.

For those who don't get it, the ending is to signify what Axel really wants from Roxas, which is never defined. And even now, we don't know what it is.

Review, people, and validate my sad existence which has spent waaay too long messing with this fic.


	5. Not

**Not**

**Summary: _not_ A Love Story. Roxas knows he doesn't care.**

**Word Count: 1048**

**Disclaimer:** I wish KH were mine, but rather obviously, it's not. Damn you, Tetsuya Nomura.

---

"_**Roxas!"**_

---

Roxas watched what little he could from the little recess in the back of Sora's mind that he could claim as his own. While sometimes there was that irritating itch to _move_, and occasional boredom, he was content to sit there and let time pass him by. Officially, he didn't really exist anymore; he wasn't sure why his personality didn't fade into the darkness— or rather, the light— after he had found his Somebody. In his more bitter moments, the blonde wondered if this was retribution for his stint as a member of Organization XIII, as he couldn't imagine a better punishment then being aware and locked into someone else's mind for the rest of his life. Or rather, half-life. If you could even call it that.

Still, the bitterness had faded, or perhaps, burned itself out. Sustained irritation and anger could only last so long without any way to vent it, and he was getting rather bored of being angry anyways. Sora was not yet fully aware of his existence, and if Roxas had his way, that was how it would remain.

If he knew, doubtless, the brunette would try to draw his Nobody into conversation, or make friends with him, or some other hopelessly pointless activity that would only make his other look like a complete idiot, talking to himself, and irritate Roxas at the same time.

Roxas did not wish for concern, nor companionship, having no concept of either. They were nothing to him, as all emotions were. Just as _he_ was nothing, to anyone else. Or to be more specific, a Nobody. But it all meant the same thing, didn't it? Heartless, soulless, empty husks that parodied life, trying and failing, giving and receiving nothing in their pointless existence.

Axel's presence had not changed that.

---

"**I love you! **_**That's **_**why I don't want you to leave!"**

---

Axel had been a fool after all. Did he really think Roxas would fall for as easy and idiotic a ploy as that? Perhaps he had forgotten that a great deal of _why_ Number XIII had embraced the strict rules of the Organization in the first place. Because he was no longer expected to adhere to emotions that left him with nothing but confusion. Because he was now able to shuck them off and leave them behind.

Did Axel really think that he would discard all that: the peace, the purpose, the calm tranquility nothingness gave him, for the sticky and messy bits of emotion that _clung_ and were especially prolific in the red-head's company?

He had been lost at first, a bit vulnerable, and so stayed with Axel for a time, perhaps out of habit. Then he realized that without a heart, he truly really didn't feel that need for affection or friends anymore. They were Nobodies, and while Larxene grinned and licked her lips in anticipation of causing yet more suffering in others, and Xigbar laughed over his collection of guns, and Demyx hummed cheerful tunes day in and day out, there was always that peripheral awareness that it was all a façade, that if the mask was stripped away, nothing of any value could be seen underneath.

_"I love you!"_

Like hell he did. Roxas had never been able to conjure up so much as a shadow of emotion that could be likened to love, and he truly doubted that Axel had managed it either.

He had anticipated one of Axel's ironic little smiles, or eloquent hand gestures after he made another one of those 'heartless Nobody' quips, but this time, there were none. None to indicate the beginning or the end to the game except the uncharacteristically serious look in Axel's green eyes, and Roxas had suddenly felt out of his depth, suddenly dumped into deeper waters than he'd expected without warning or notice. If Axel had wanted to give him something, he thought with some irritation, wouldn't he at least have given him something he could use? Or at least, something of some worth?

What was love ever worth, other than pain and regrets? Axel, of all people, should know that best.

---

"**I thought you were my friend, at least. I thought you cared."**

---

He didn't think that he would have to be the one giving Axel lessons in what it meant to be a Nobody. "Caring" wasn't in their vocabulary. It wasn't something they were capable of doing anymore, along with a whole host of other things like loving and feeling and being happy. And wouldn't Roxas know, trapped as he was in the mind of someone who was whole, and not fractured and warped like the Nobody Roxas had been.

Sora's inner light shone so bright that it cast everything around him into relief, into shadow, so that Roxas was made even more aware of his own shortcomings and inadequacies, his own internal darkness. The presence of Sora's heart gave Roxas the ability to feel emotions that had not available him for a long time, and he was finding that he didn't really appreciate the experience.

Friendship and empathy were warm, alien feelings pulsing in his chest and he had decided early on in his pseudo-life that he didn't enjoy them. Not at all. Neither emotion felt familiar in the least, nor had they ever been associated with a certain pesky irritant that… hell. Axel. These emotions had never been associated with Axel.

Roxas figures that, if he tells himself this often enough, it will be true.

**---**

So through Sora's eyes, Roxas watched Axel fade. There was an odd little pang in the general direction of his— sorry, Sora's— chest-; however, there wasn't really any other sensation worth noting. His apathy lay in contrast to his Other, whose sympathy and grief weighed heavy on their shared shoulders, and _that_ was what angered Roxas more than Axel's life or death combined. They were together again, they were whole, and yet Sora was still able to feel more, to care more than Roxas was ever capable of.

No, no. Roxas calmed himself. He didn't feel anything at all. That was how it was, how it should be.

Axel is gone. Roxas felt nothing.

He wonders how long it will take to convince himself of that.

**---**

A/N: Inspired by a little delving into Roxas's psyche. I felt like doing a piece that wasn't all from Axel's point of view, and wasn't one that was about love.


	6. Ten Truths

**Title: Ten Truths**

**Summary: 1. Killing Roxas. 2. Trying. 3. Failing 4. Futility, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. **

**Word Count: 735**

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Squeenix and Tetsuya Nomura blah blah blah please do not sue me.

---

[**One.** If killing Roxas would have allowed him to forget, Axel would have plunged both chakrams into the bastard's chest a long time ago, and laughed and cried as his friend bled Nobody black all over his nice clean blades.

[**Two.** He had actually tried. Or almost tried, as things went. Roxas had rolled over on the mattress and just missed impaling himself on the spikes, nearly solving Axel's problem for him. In that moment, he had lost his nerve.

[**Three.** This had nothing to do with the sudden vision of just how bad an ass-kicking Roxas might had given him if he'd stabbed the blonde and missed killing him right off the bat. (Or the whaling Xemnas would have handed him if he'd managed to carry it out anyway.) Nothing at all, and Axel will kill you if you say otherwise.

[**Four.** He did not try a second time until much later, when it no longer mattered.

[**Five.** Sometimes (or rather, quite a lot of the time), Axel imagines how easy it all would have been if Roxas had not been there. (Hence, the first attempt to stab him.) Number XIII's presence complicated everything, up to and including Axel's admittedly fucked-up libido, but more importantly the delicate and ever-shifting hierarchy of power in the Organization and the careful destruction of wave after wave of Heartless. Most importantly, Roxas screwed with Axel's mind.

[**Six.** Like, really, really screwed with. To the point where it was nearly as fucked up as his libido. Their goal had been "To obtain Kingdom Hearts", or whatever, but Axel wasn't sure what a heart would be good for anymore, when Roxas alone was enough to incite any number of wayward emotions flickering (or maybe that wasn't the right verb. 'Viciously scorching', perhaps) against the insides of his rib cage, like having a small typhoon squashed into the cracks and crevices of his chest, beating against the walls. If this was how it felt to have a heart, then Axel thinks he might have to sue for misrepresentation because never in his non-life would he have imagined that being a Somebody sucked quite so much.

[**Seven.** And it wasn't even counting what had happened the first time Roxas had kissed him and Axel had begun to have the very first inklings that maybe he was in over his head before the deluge swept over him and cut off any chance he had for air. Then there was only Roxas, and Axel drowned, entirely without caring. (Or knowing, if he was to be honest about it.) He does, however, care (and find out) much later, when the threads all begin to unravel and trail back to the same path, a white door in the darkness and an oversized key. And Roxas, at the core of it all, the thing that compounds the problem beyond all solution unless you choose to simply slice through the knot.

[**Eight.** "Well then, maybe I'm your heart," Roxas had said one day, completely teasing, during some careless banter and speculation on the nature of themselves and their Somebodies, and after Axel's comment that Roxas was a stone cold son of a bitch. Or something like that. The memory was fuzzy and Axel had dismissed the idea before it had even begun sinking into his mind. It wasn't until much later (when it no longer mattered, and before the second time Axel tried to kill Roxas), that he realized that it might have had any significance at all.

[**Nine.** And it didn't, he finally decided, before going on to stab Roxas, and suddenly the entire drama unfurls like a tightly coiled rosebud, glorious in its intricacy and a deep, bloody red. Whichever way he turns, Axel finds himself on the losing side; wishing that he'd been successful with the first try, or even the second.

[**Lies.** If killing Roxas would have allowed him to forget, Axel chooses to think outside the box and blows himself up instead because the end result, really, is the same either way. For whatever time he has left, he is really quite proud of himself, because it wouldn't help if he wasn't. For all purposes, nonexistence is as good as amnesia, and Axel has had all the forgetfulness he could possibly stand after the very first time in Twilight Town, when Roxas turned around and did not recognize him. (And this was not a response to that, no, not at all…)

---

A/N: Nearly entirely completed in a single spurt of wonderful inspiration.

I feel a bit like I'm repeating, what with how it ends almost every single time with Axel DYING, the bastard. Maybe I should remedy that, and they go off into happy pink unicorn land together, or I can just cut off the damn piece before he dies.

But it makes for such good angst…

Also, I don't like this ending. But I've stared at it for too long to do anything about that. This site also apparently hates brackets all of a sudden, which kind of screws with my work.


	7. Bribery

**Title: **Bribery

**Summary: **First line. XD

**Disclaimer: **Blahbityblahbity blah, not mine, if you couldn't already tell. Axel and Roxas and KH are all property of Squeenix.

**Word Count: **724

--

There are bribes, and there are _bribes_.

A bribe is when Axel slips Demyx a bit of munny in exchange for Number IX taking care of his superior's night shifts every now and then. This is backed by an evil, evil smile full of implied threats and the hint of violence (see, Axel _knows_ where Demyx keeps his sheet music, and no matter where he might hide them, they would never be impervious to fire) as well as gratuitous pulling of rank. This pisses off IX to no end, but in the end, always nets Axel the opportunity to sleep inside (where it is dry, comparatively warm, and there is no threat of being eaten by a Behemoth.)

Roxas, on the other hand, is a completely different matter. Roxas requires _bribes_. Offers of munny and attempts at blackmail or extortion would earn him nothing but a Keyblade thrust where it would hurt. (And yes, it does hurt a great deal indeed.) Oh no, to get him to do _anything,_ Roxas needs Sea-Salt popsicles from the pretty blond vendor in Twilight Town (and may the Darkness help him if they're melted), fried calamari from the depths of Atlantica, crumpets- and where the hell do you find crumpets anyway? Not to mention, a bottle of rum from Port Royale…

Who does he think Axel is? His own personal inter-dimensional catering service? Is the short little bastard even old enough to drink?

(The answer, of course, is "No," but most people value the use of their limbs enough not to tell Roxas so.))

And so, Axel, like any sane, logical person, grumbles and bitches and plain outright refuses… and ends up finding himself hopping across worlds, playing 'Fetch the Meal for Roxas' regardless.

"Do you want a backrub with that? A manicure, maybe?" he snaps one evening, when his injured pride (which has been sustaining quite a lot of bruises of late) demands that he make _some_ kind of snarky comment in an attempt to demonstrate that he is, despite all appearances, really in control of the situation.

Roxas, digging into a medium-rare venison steak (courtesy of Pride Lands), does not even bother dignifying his words with a response, instead choosing to wave his fork at Axel in a vague gesture that could have been anything from "Fuck you" to "Get me one of those jelly doughnuts with rainbow sprinkles on top."

Axel chooses to interpret it as the former. (He has no jelly doughnuts, and sure as hell wouldn't be sharing them with the damn glutton if he did.) "Yeah, well, you can go just go and fuck yourself too." _And why do I even bother with you, really?_

Roxas glances up from his steak and gives him a flat look of annoyance, presumably in regards to the interruptions during his dinner. Axel glares back, pissed at his inability to just say "No" to those big blue eyes, and frustrated with Roxas' complete and total lack of gratefulness. For a moment, there is a crackle of tension as their eyes lock, a near tangible threat of violence just beyond the horizon, like the scent of blood. To his almost-surprise, Axel finds that he welcomes it; a chance to change the stalemate that was their relationship into something solid, definable, even if it was only anger and the clash of weaponry.

The moment passes. Roxas is the first to look away, and Axel does not exactly crow in triumph. Then, there is the 'wshh' of displaced air, and with a movement like a striking snake, Roxas grabs his collar and jerks him down, pressing his mouth against Axel's lips in a single swift motion.

_Oh yeah. That's why._

With a shudder that is not at all pain, Axel remembers.

Roxas' kisses are always fierce, always demanding, and always tasted of something indefinable, like blood and citrus and a sensation that reminded him, vaguely, of the time before, when once upon a time he'd had a heart.

A (small small) part of him is annoyed by the fact that, as in everything else, Axel has to bribe Roxas for his kisses (with cookies and exotic fruits and breaded shrimp). The rest didn't much care; right up until Roxas looses his grip on his jacket, and draws back.

"Now get me a jelly doughnut. Don't forget the sprinkles."

--

A/N: Randomly wanting something to write. This story ties in with another one-shot I haven't posted, possibly to become its own set of stories, titled 'No Takeout'.

And BWAHAHA, Reinna has managed to write Akuroku without reference to death and depression angst stuffs.

Review and comment? ;D


	8. Doubt

**Title: Doubt**

**Summary: Roxas doesn't need to tell.**

**Word Count:**

**Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously. xD**

**--**

He turns on his heel to leave the room and there is a frustrated snarl from behind him. A black gloved hand slams against the doorframe, effectively barring his way out.

"I just want an answer, damnit!" (_And that's all he ever wanted, really, but Roxas won't give him that either._)

He doesn't bother to turn around to face Axel when he responds, voice soft and spiteful.

"And will that answer change anything? Will you stop loving me if I don't tell you? Will you love me less if the feeling isn't returned?" _(He likes to watch Axel squirm, and the tension in the air thickens to the point where he can almost taste it on the tip of his tongue, a not-taste for a not-person.)_

A pause. A moment of silence, a perfect crystalline piece of nothing that alone was proof of what didn't exist between them.

"… I… no, of course not." ( _But there had been a waver behind his words, hadn't there? There'd been __**doubt**__. Roxas could tell, and Axel could tell, and Axel could tell that Roxas could tell and their whole world was shattered and rebuilt in that instant of understanding and broken faith._)

"Of course you wouldn't. So if my answer doesn't change anything, then why do you want me to tell you anyway?" he replies mockingly.

"I need to know!" (_And does he, now? Axel doesn't __**need**__ anything, let alone a confirmation on the love Roxas is supposed to return, because Axel can't stand just giving it away. Oh no, he has to have it back too._) Axel's shoulder's slumped.

"So you don't love me?" (_Yes. No. Maybe. Roxas doesn't know, but he doesn't need to tell. He knows better than that; trust is unnecessary because he knows Axel will chase him regardless. It's so easy, really. All Roxas needs to do is play the game._)

"I didn't say that." The redhead seems to perk up a bit at those words.

"So you do?" (_No._)

"I didn't say that either."

"Then why won't you tell me!" (_But sometimes, Axel becomes beyond tiresome._)

"Because I don't need to. You should be able to love me without knowing, or needing to know."

That is their game, or at least, Roxas's game, between he doesn't think that Axel knows he's playing, or is even aware that he was just another petty piece on an endless board whose one and only purpose was to entertain Roxas in the mind-numbing nothingness of their world. Roxas likes Axel's rage, his passionate desperation because he himself has nothing at all similar to such a tumult of emotions and it is… entertaining. Even if in the end, Axel was just as hollow inside as the rest of them, Roxas can still metaphorically warm his hands on the reflection of a fire and observe as Axel follows him with his puppy-dog eyes and pleas, caring himself to death.

_That_ entertains Roxas most of all, because the Key of Destiny, born a Nobody with no memories, no emotions, no nothing, cannot comprehend anything of the like (_caringlongingfearpain__**love**__)_ and so watches like a jaded connoisseur might a child's happiness, with lazy condescension and flickers of amusement. The same way people flock to watch a house burning down, Roxas watches Axel. And all that is necessary to keep the fire going is to throw him a bone, taunt him and tease him every now and then, set the match to the spark.

Even after it is past time for Roxas to go, he cannot help but continue in the same vein- but this time, instead of tossing a bone, it is the last twist of the knife, a scar that will be left. Former Number XIII expects that it will twinge enough to draw Axel back for more diversion, because Roxas doesn't care and Axel cares enough to throw himself headlong into the fray again and again and again.

For him.

And hopefully, that too would prove to be entertaining.

--

A/N: Holy shaz, this one has been in making longer than any of the others. I had the dialogue all mapped out for the loooongest time, and didn't know how to begin or end it.

Back to the good ol' 'Roxas doesn't give a shit' theme. XD It's just so much fun.

EDIT: Screwed up on the first upload. Thanks to That'sMyFiasco for alerting me.


End file.
